The best fruit in the world

Is not the durian. Durian is the worse fruit in the world. It stinks. It tastes like something that has been left in the refrigerator for months. There are people out there who 'named' the durian the King of fruits. Say what? Why is durian the so called King?

I shit you not people, though I have no experience first-hand of eating that spiky fruit from hell, the durian is terrible in so many ways:

1) After you eat it, your whole body starts to get warm! Really. It's a well-known fact. To counter act this fruit from hell, people would normally eat the mangosteen (the best fruit in the world, which will be discussed later on)  to cool your body down.

2) It is almost impossible to open it. How did man even know how to open the fruit? Wait, I'm going ahead of myself. How did man even know it was a fruit!? Did a farmer one day went into the tropical jungles of the northern peninsula and experienced observing some orang-utans and gorillas open the fruit up? Did those orang-utans open the durian up, ate it, and made orang-utan-styled "ooo oooo aaaa aaaa" orgasmic sounds of joy? Really, I don't know.

3) It smells

4) Your fart smells after you eat it

5) It looks ugly

6) You are ugly (emo) if you don't believe in me

The finest

"It's amazing how McDonalds can produce the same kind of food everywhere in the world. McDonalds in America tastes exactly like McDonalds in Japan" - McDonalds fan.

I agree with you McDonalds fan. McDonalds produces the finest food the world has ever imagined. I don't know if there is a mister McDonalds, or a misses McDonalds, but people of the world should be grateful to Mr/Mrs McDonalds for gracing us lesser beings with a taste of what food perfection really is. All the fat guys in the world who can no longer see their 'little brothers' down there should, only if they can, extend their left and right hands out and clap for McDonalds.

Having watched How I Met Your Mother episodes in reruns I can't help but remember that there was an episode where Marshall was looking for the "Best Burger in the World". He found his best burger in some shady alley in New York City. Me? I found mine in no where else but Ronald McDonald's McDonalds.

The perfect burger, in the whole wide world, bar none, if you disagree with me I will spank you, in its own entire league, could make you have a burgasm, is....

tadaaaaaaa

The Prosperity burger! Hu-raaa! Woof woof woof!

Yes. It is McDonalds Prosperity burger. I don't care if you guys have tasted the burgers from the likes of Hard Rock Cafe, or Victoria Station, or San Francisco Steak House, or anywhere else in the universe. THIS, is the best burger in the world.

It's a shame that it's only offered in MALAYSIA during CHINESE NEW YEAR season. This burger is a reminder of what prosperity really is. Screw the angpow money your relatives give you. No sorry I take that back. Take the money that your relatives give you and go and enjoy the finest burger in the world. The finest burger in the world only costs a mere 10 ringgit as a set. Now, if God were to offer you heaven in exchange for 10 ringgit would you refuse the offer? No. Definitely No. HELL NO. Same concept applies for this burger. Plunge, pilfer, steal if you must but you will obey Mr McDonalds wand and eat this.

Tobi is

I don't know who Tobi is... I had a theory that Tobi was Captain Yamato... but it doesn't seem possible. We should all just wait and let Kishimoto reveal who Tobi is to us. That may be hundreds of chapters from now.

Who is Tobi??

As a self-confessed Narutard I've invoked on this personal mission on trying to figure out who Tobi really is. Tobi is the ultimate villain in Naruto. He killed Naruto's mother (Kushina) and father (Minato the 4th Hokage) and was able to convince Sasuke's brother Itachi to murder their entire Uchiha clan. Tobi was also the person who released the Kyubi (9 tails) 16 years ago when Naruto was born, wreaking havoc unto Konoha which had plenty of their ninja's dying to defend their country. After those incidents, Tobi has reemerged himself after going into hiding to execute his Moon Eye plan and conquer the world.

Tobi

In the series Tobi appears as a new member of Akatsuki, a subversive ninja group with intentions of conquering the world. He pretended to be a weakling and kept on portraying this joker image while in the group. As the chapters progressed, more Akatsuki members died and he finally reveals himself as Uchiha Madara.


But is he really Uchiha Madara? Why won't he show his face?


There are plenty of theories going on out there. I'll show you guys the main theories, and I'll mention who I really think is the REAL Tobi.






1. Tobi = Uchiha Madara

The jutsus that Tobi has been using is extremely powerful. So powerful, that only a few ninjas in the ninja world would be able to do so. The fact that he knew about the nine tails in Kushina's body, was able to kill the third Hokage's personal ANBU ninjas, knew about the 4th Hokage's capabilities and was able to extract the Kyubi from Kushina points towards him being a very strong ninja with a lot of ninja knowledge. This made most of the ninja's out there (including the 4th Hokage) assume that Tobi is Uchiha Madara. Well, those plus he has a Sharingan in his right eye and he self-claims himself to be Uchiha Madara.


However, I would have to disagree that he actually is Uchiha Madara. Uchiha Madara was born way back during the 1st Hokage's time. He would be more than a 100+ years old now if it were actually him. Wouldn't it suck if Kishimoto (the writer and drawer of Naruto) portrayed Tobi as Uchiha Madara and it actually IS Uchiha Madara? That storyline would suck so bad.

When Kabuto used Edo Tensei to reveal a hidden coffin, Tobi was so shocked of the dead body that Kabuto presented. I'm assuming Uchiha Madara's real dead body is in there. All in all, I don't think that Tobi = Uchiha Madara.


2. Tobi = Obito

The name gives out the hint. Tobi sounds like Obito. Obito sounds like Tobi.


Obito might be Tobi because he is from the Uchiha clan that has the Sharingan's ability. The fact that his right side got crushed, rendering people to wonder where his right eye's Sharingan went to and that Tobi's right face is someone old/crushed might make you think that Tobi is Obito.

Again, I would have to disagree that Tobi = Obito. Obito was Kakashi's close friend during childhood, making him a kid when Tobi attacked Konoha 16 years ago. There's no way that kid Tobi, without him invoking his Sharingan, could've been able to fight Konoha's Yellow Flash (4th Hokage).

Tobi 16 years ago threatens to kill baby Naruto

3. Tobi = Izuna

Izuna's dead body

Izuna is Uchiha Madara's twin brother who gave up his eyes to Uchiha Madara. Not much is known about him. We know that he lost his eyes/ gave them to Uchiha Madara and died in battle afterwards. Him being Tobi just doesn't make sense. A curveball out of no where. Some people say that the coffin that Kabuto summoned actually had Izuna in it and that Uchiha Madara is actually Tobi, but I think that's a long shot.

4. Tobi = Danzou

Danzou revealing his Sharingan

This can't be true since Danzou is now dead. There was a time that people actually thought that Danzou was Tobi since Danzou kept on hiding his right eye. Danzou's right eye was actually from Uchiha Shisui (Itachi's friend that supposedly was murdered by Itachi). The fact that Kishimoto shows Danzou talking to Tobi and now that Danzou is dead makes Danzou impossible to be Tobi.

5. Tobi = Uchiha Shisui

Uchiha Shisui is Itachi's close friend. Itachi killed Shisui to awaken his Mangekyou Sharingan. We know he is dead and that Danzou had his right eye which makes him impossible to be Tobi. He was also just a kid when Tobi attacked Konoha 16 years ago. Very unlikely equation.

6. Tobi = Salamander Hanzou

Salamander Hanzou

Salamander Hanzou was an extremely strong ninja that killed plenty of Konoha's ninjas during the great war. Three of Konoha's ninjas survived fighting Hanzou - to which Hanzou granted them the title of the legendary Sannin for surviving. They were Jiraiya, Orochimaru and Tsunade.

Hanzou made the mistake of killing Yahiko. Yahiko was Nagato's best friend. When only a child, Yahiko and Konan saved Nagato from death of starvation. Nagato went berzerk after Hanzou killed Yahiko. It says that Nagato "single-handedly killed Hanzō, his family, and his retainers, and then conducted a systematic genocide of anybody even remotely associated with Hanzō, even to the extent of terminating the ambassadors of the villages Hanzō was associated with"

Being dead and all, it would be hard to say that he is actually Tobi.

So there you go, six examples of who could be Tobi. Each has their strengths and weaknesses of actually being Tobi. Personally, I think that all six of them are not Tobi. Do you want to know who I really really think is Tobi? This is probably a long shot. But I think that Tobi is....

[to be continued]

Gum

This is my favorite footballer for now.

Paul

The World Cup

I don't think that Spain were that good. Sure, they won it. Yes, they beat teams like Portugal, Germany and Netherlands. A person would have to admit that Spain controlled the ball really well, having a possession rate of around 60% in most games.

But watching Spain is boring as hell. They only scored once in like every one of their knock-out stage games. 1-0 against Netherlands, Germany, Portugal and Paraguay. Maybe they are good; I stand corrected on such a bold statement. But I'm pretty damn sure they are not exciting.

Would you rather pay to watch a one-time orgasmic team like Spain? Or would you rather pay to watch multi-orgasmic teams like Germany and Argentina play?

UPDATE


My friend Adilla said I could say all the shit I wanted. She added a 'lol' right after.

Adilla Fauzi 

Say all the shit you want Adam. Lol.

2 hours ago ·  · 

Adam Johari 

thanks adilla. i will. where do i begin.

oh yeah, spain won the world cup. good for them. it took them 70+ years to achieve it. with this world cup they now have... hmmm... one world cup title under their belts. that's the same amount of world cups that england has. uruguay has more world cup titles than spain.

how did spain achieve that one world cup title? oh. easy. by pussy divers like iniesta and dick grabers like puyol. let's not forget the disallowed corner kick that netherlands was supposed to be given 2 minutes before the goal.

spain won this world cup. but i don't think this is the absolute-ultimate-orgasmic-inducing world cup that people will remember. spain scores one nil all the time. wow. let's watch replays of how spain played! doubt it. i'd rather spend better time looking at paul.

i know one of you spain supporters paid that damn octopus.

Best football move EVER!

Adam

How the government shot itself in the balls

First, I would like to apologize for getting this article out later rather than sooner. I wanted to write it earlier, especially when it was a hot topic, but responsibilities (the World Cup) got in the way and only now am I free to pen my thoughts.

Going back to the motion mentioned above.

On the 14th of June the Malaysian government decided to cut Jabatan Perkhidmatan Awam (JPA) scholarships for students pursuing their undergraduate studies overseas. The reason that the 1500 overseas scholarships will not be given out next year is because the government simply "can't afford it", according to Datuk Seri Mohamed Nazri Abdul Aziz, the minister in the prime ministers department.

Picture: Datuk Seri Mohamed Nazri Abdul Aziz

The article that mentions the abolishment of those scholarships can be found here:

[ link ]

You know, I'm really tired of having politicians that are f*cking retards. They must think that we have the memory of a goldfish when they released that statement. Someone in the magical kingdom of Putrajaya should really learn the basics of Public Relations (PR), at the very least, so that when they screw things up beyond comprehension they could at least lie to our faces.


Huh? PR? Well...


Around the same time when Nazri declared the cut, the government proposed to build this. Then, a few days later they announced this. The travesty! Come on brader, who are you trying to kid? The government has no money for scholarships? Then please explain to me how they can build an RM800 million mansion for maybe 10 people of our royal family and an RM800 million new parliament for our MPs.


Perhaps, the government should just abolish itself and let the Sultans rule the country. Right? Right? Wrong. No. Sit down you Hang Tuah fanatic. Some Sultans and Princes are way more messed up than the government when it comes to money.


It's amazing how much you can't learn even after so much exposure. BN is made of three main components - three parties with three different races. And yet, they never learn from each other. Not one bit. Wahai parti Barisan Nasional, tidakkah kamu tahu yang Orang Cina sangat mementingkan pembelajaran? Do you not realize that Chinese people love education? Education is like the one thing that the Chinese people take pride of, besides making money, drinking sarang burung and eating roast Peking duck, and you want to take that away from them? If someone came up to me and tried to steal my Iphone.... OK let's not discuss that situation... *belai Iphone


Some of you are going,"Why is this guy talking about race? Aren't the scholarships made out of bumiputeras and non-bumiputeras?". For those who don't know, there are two big government run scholarship providers in Malaysia - JPA (the one they want to cut) and MARA. MARA scholarships are exclusive for bumiputeras only while JPA overseas scholarships consist of 56% bumiputeras and 44% non-bumiputeras. The media spin-doctors in collaboration with someone inside the government cleverly announced those statistics about the JPA break-out so that the non-bumiputeras wouldn't be outraged.


Let's do the calculation. If you have 44% of overseas scholarships for non-bumiputeras, then you cut them by 44%, let me see, what is the result, hrmmm.... someone, hand me a calculator please, nak kira brape peratus tinggal.


This is downright racism. Yes I said it. I hate punchlines and cliche words that politicians use like "change", "grass-roots" and one of them being "racism". But this is SO blatantly racist that I will excuse myself for using the word.


Of course, the media tried to help abate the issue. What was their excuse for the cuts? Reaching for the silver lining, they mention that the cuts actually means that our local universities are getting better! Now I'm all in for semangat Malaysia. Tapi tolonglah, who's leg are we trying to pull here? We have some really good local universities, like UM, UKM, UPM, Uniten, Uni Petronas, UTAR, MMU, etc, but at the same time, there's a huge growth of mushrooming universities emerging that are totally, downright, lacking in almost every aspect; be it in the form of facilities or teachers when compared to other universities around the globe.


Scholarships are good for the country. It is a good investment, perhaps the best investment a country could ever make. Spreading the wealth (non-socialistic way), which, may I remind you, is the governments job is effectively carried out when they give out these scholarships. It is a promotion given to kids who work their asses off in school. It helps the families financially who can't afford to send their kids overseas. It is a life changer.


At the very least, the government should give JPA scholarships to kids for twinning programs so that the kids can have the opportunity to go overseas if they do well, even though the period will be shorter.