It's not easy to swallow failure. I admit that there are times when I think I'm smart, and there are also times when I think I'm average, and just like today, there are also times when I think I'm dumb. Overall, I always think I'm somewhere in the middle just floating.
Failing hurts. But it's a good reminder to stay humble and work harder and listen to people's advices. Right now I feel like I'm at an all time low. That feeling will eventually subside by tomorrow morning. I'm hoping that in a month from now, when I have my study materials for course six I'll have all the anger and shame that I felt today and let it go on the books.
Lessons have to be learned. Excuses have to be tucked away. Mark my words, I will come back with a vengeance. It won't be pretty.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The End?
I know education should be never ending. That I should thirst for knowledge till the end of my days. But formal education is taking a toll on me. I've already left university for two years now, failing two actuarial exams on the way, and right now I have no idea when I'll ever be finished with the exams.
Last Thursday the results for exam 7 and 8 came out. The passing rate for the CAS exam is around 40%. The passing rate for Milliman CAS people? 100% right now... so far. We've been told that the exam results are to be released between last Thursday till this Tuesday.
I expected the results to come out on Friday. I waited anxiously. I could barely get my work done on Friday; anticipating, praying, butterflies flying angrily in my stomach. The results are released between 2pm and 2.30pm. Between that time all the students (and for some, their spouses) will refresh the CAS website till the pages upload slower creating a sense as if the CAS website administrator is uploading the results.
The results did come out on Friday. But not mine. They only released the results for course 3.
I'll have to wait till next week.
UPDATE
I failed course 5. Everyone else in the office passed. That makes it 7/8. I was the only one out of 8 people who failed. I screwed everyone out of the steak dinner.
Last Thursday the results for exam 7 and 8 came out. The passing rate for the CAS exam is around 40%. The passing rate for Milliman CAS people? 100% right now... so far. We've been told that the exam results are to be released between last Thursday till this Tuesday.
I expected the results to come out on Friday. I waited anxiously. I could barely get my work done on Friday; anticipating, praying, butterflies flying angrily in my stomach. The results are released between 2pm and 2.30pm. Between that time all the students (and for some, their spouses) will refresh the CAS website till the pages upload slower creating a sense as if the CAS website administrator is uploading the results.
The results did come out on Friday. But not mine. They only released the results for course 3.
I'll have to wait till next week.
UPDATE
I failed course 5. Everyone else in the office passed. That makes it 7/8. I was the only one out of 8 people who failed. I screwed everyone out of the steak dinner.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Congrats Zulie
I went to Zulie's graduation this morning. Still editing pics. But I'm gonna throw one out here just for the heck of it.
Pic of Zulie hugging her dad right after the ceremony
Pic of Zulie hugging her dad right after the ceremony
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I am doctor
Hello. My name is Dr. Nora.
I am a... sorry... I... WAS a medical student at the University of Southampton, UK. I've been studying medicine for 5 years at the university, until today, when my results were released at 6pm on the hospital board.
Let me tell you a story.
The University of Southampton is slightly different from other medical schools. Yes, the U-of-S has 5 years of medical school as do other universities. The U-of-S also has attachments in various hospitals like other universities. But, the U of S differs itself from other universities by - IF you fail your final exam for the fifth year, you DO NOT get to repeat the paper.
Really? Yep. But I thought. Nope. But I thought. Well, you thought wrong. That means if I fail this final exam... that's it? Yep. No second tries. No second chances. No forgiveness. Nothing.
If I failed this final exam, I would have to repeat the entire year again. That means I'd have to go through all six different attachments in different hospitals, pay tuition for another year, pay accommodation for another year, watch all my friends become doctors...
I forgot to mention. The U of S isn't as harsh as you think ladies and gentlemen. They are very emphatic to your feelings. If you were to fail the final exam, they are kind enough to give you a phone call before 6pm to notify you that you have failed. It's basically a heads up to tell you that you should not come to scrutinize the hospital board to look for your passing candidate name. Very kind yes?
I woke up at 9.30 am this morning. Eight hours and thirty minutes to go! Ahhhhhh.
What in God's good name can I do for eight hours and thirty minutes? Let me tell you. A lot. An effing lot.
Cleaned the room. Check.
Rearranged all the study books and notes. Check.
Talked to hubby. Check.
Try sleeping. Failed. Check.
Hooked up Nintendo Wii. Check.
Prayed. Check.
Told everyone who usually calls not to call. Check.
Cried a bucket. Check.
Check check check check....
Make it stop!
And it did stop. With a phone call. When I heard the ring I felt as if my heart had stopped. Time was at a standstill. All the thinking didn't mean anything anymore. What if I had done this what if I had done that? Didn't matter. Nothing mattered. There is a phone call.
But it wasn't the university calling. It was Mar who saw the results before I could get there.
I passed.
I am doctor.
Yeah bitches!!!!
The end
I am a... sorry... I... WAS a medical student at the University of Southampton, UK. I've been studying medicine for 5 years at the university, until today, when my results were released at 6pm on the hospital board.
Let me tell you a story.
The University of Southampton is slightly different from other medical schools. Yes, the U-of-S has 5 years of medical school as do other universities. The U-of-S also has attachments in various hospitals like other universities. But, the U of S differs itself from other universities by - IF you fail your final exam for the fifth year, you DO NOT get to repeat the paper.
Really? Yep. But I thought. Nope. But I thought. Well, you thought wrong. That means if I fail this final exam... that's it? Yep. No second tries. No second chances. No forgiveness. Nothing.
If I failed this final exam, I would have to repeat the entire year again. That means I'd have to go through all six different attachments in different hospitals, pay tuition for another year, pay accommodation for another year, watch all my friends become doctors...
I forgot to mention. The U of S isn't as harsh as you think ladies and gentlemen. They are very emphatic to your feelings. If you were to fail the final exam, they are kind enough to give you a phone call before 6pm to notify you that you have failed. It's basically a heads up to tell you that you should not come to scrutinize the hospital board to look for your passing candidate name. Very kind yes?
I woke up at 9.30 am this morning. Eight hours and thirty minutes to go! Ahhhhhh.
What in God's good name can I do for eight hours and thirty minutes? Let me tell you. A lot. An effing lot.
Cleaned the room. Check.
Rearranged all the study books and notes. Check.
Talked to hubby. Check.
Try sleeping. Failed. Check.
Hooked up Nintendo Wii. Check.
Prayed. Check.
Told everyone who usually calls not to call. Check.
Cried a bucket. Check.
Check check check check....
Make it stop!
And it did stop. With a phone call. When I heard the ring I felt as if my heart had stopped. Time was at a standstill. All the thinking didn't mean anything anymore. What if I had done this what if I had done that? Didn't matter. Nothing mattered. There is a phone call.
But it wasn't the university calling. It was Mar who saw the results before I could get there.
I passed.
I am doctor.
Yeah bitches!!!!
The end
Sunday, June 14, 2009
By the way
To remind myself:
I will be writing about the poll I posted above ^
Only nine people voted so I can't really say that the voting numbers are credible. But I will assume that the nine people who voted (including me) live in a perfect world where the sample mean is equal to the population mean. More on that later.
I will write more about politics. For some sick reason I'm kind of passionate about politics. Not that I would ever venture deeper into it. We have enough people already involved anyways.
Tomorrow or the day after I should be receiving something I ordered last week. If the item I ordered is as good as I hoped it to be, I will write more about it in my next post.
The wifey is taking her final practice exam this Tuesday, for those who know her please pray for her success. Will write more about that in the future. Not now.
Night night
I will be writing about the poll I posted above ^
Only nine people voted so I can't really say that the voting numbers are credible. But I will assume that the nine people who voted (including me) live in a perfect world where the sample mean is equal to the population mean. More on that later.
I will write more about politics. For some sick reason I'm kind of passionate about politics. Not that I would ever venture deeper into it. We have enough people already involved anyways.
Tomorrow or the day after I should be receiving something I ordered last week. If the item I ordered is as good as I hoped it to be, I will write more about it in my next post.
The wifey is taking her final practice exam this Tuesday, for those who know her please pray for her success. Will write more about that in the future. Not now.
Night night
Statistics
Statistics are important for Americans. I don't know why. They just love it for some particular reason.
In sports they would track down every single statistic there is in the game. It's pretty insane how they track them. For instance in baseball you would think that they would just save how many homeruns and base runs a player gets, or perhaps how many times they swing the bat and miss. Nope. They actually calculate WAY much more.
I remember when I was working out at the gym in Malaysia during summer. When I entered the gym I would just go to the bench and start lifting say a hundred pounds. I'd lift probably three sets, complain how much my muscles ache, then I'd head home sweating in the car. And that was about it. I didn't really jot down how much weight I should bench on the next day, or keep a log of how I should be working out.
No statistics were involved.
As some of you know I got pretty involved in running short distances (5 kilometers) lately. When I first trained I would go to the gym, get my feet on the treadmill and start running say around 2 miles. That is one mile short of a 5k run. And that was it.
Again, not much statistics involved.
But now! Now things are different. I am pretty much into the statistics thing now. This is my statistics list:
Running & Abs training
1. I will run 2 miles every other day.
2. Currently I'm running around a 9 minute mile pace.
3. I will progress my running until I can get to the 7 minute mile pace.
4. After each run I will do three sets of situps.
5. Each set I'm doing around 15 situps right now.
6. I will progress those situps till I hit around 30 sit ups each set.
Ambitious? You betcha.
In sports they would track down every single statistic there is in the game. It's pretty insane how they track them. For instance in baseball you would think that they would just save how many homeruns and base runs a player gets, or perhaps how many times they swing the bat and miss. Nope. They actually calculate WAY much more.
I remember when I was working out at the gym in Malaysia during summer. When I entered the gym I would just go to the bench and start lifting say a hundred pounds. I'd lift probably three sets, complain how much my muscles ache, then I'd head home sweating in the car. And that was about it. I didn't really jot down how much weight I should bench on the next day, or keep a log of how I should be working out.
No statistics were involved.
As some of you know I got pretty involved in running short distances (5 kilometers) lately. When I first trained I would go to the gym, get my feet on the treadmill and start running say around 2 miles. That is one mile short of a 5k run. And that was it.
Again, not much statistics involved.
But now! Now things are different. I am pretty much into the statistics thing now. This is my statistics list:
Running & Abs training
1. I will run 2 miles every other day.
2. Currently I'm running around a 9 minute mile pace.
3. I will progress my running until I can get to the 7 minute mile pace.
4. After each run I will do three sets of situps.
5. Each set I'm doing around 15 situps right now.
6. I will progress those situps till I hit around 30 sit ups each set.
Ambitious? You betcha.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The weekend
God damn, I just finished watching "He's just not that into you". And yesterday I watched "Wicker Park". After watching these two shows, I feel like I have too much estrogen surrounding my presence. Having watched 'em has got me thinking, thinking about the relationships my friends are involved in and just relationships in general.
This weekend will be a huge weekend. When I say huge I mean humongously huge. Bigger than those contestants in the Biggest Loser. Yup.
One of my buddies is getting married!! *cheer*
Another is getting engaged!! *double cheer*
It does not get any bigger than this.
Who would've thought eh? The "Bangi" gang has really manned up this year. Anas and I got married last year. This year it'll be Apai's and Jamil's turn.
I truly believe that the Bangi Gang is super awesome. All of us are like decent guys. If there is anyone out there that can't get along with us, trust me it isn't us, it is them. There is nothing wrong with us. We can mix around with anyone; be it someone from the city or someone from the village (kampung).
To the future wives of any of us Gang Bangi guys. I hope you realize how lucky you are to have one of our 'members' as your husband. So, when you do snatch one of us, please let your husband go out at night to the local mapley and let us watch football together ok?
This weekend will be a huge weekend. When I say huge I mean humongously huge. Bigger than those contestants in the Biggest Loser. Yup.
One of my buddies is getting married!! *cheer*
Another is getting engaged!! *double cheer*
It does not get any bigger than this.
Who would've thought eh? The "Bangi" gang has really manned up this year. Anas and I got married last year. This year it'll be Apai's and Jamil's turn.
I truly believe that the Bangi Gang is super awesome. All of us are like decent guys. If there is anyone out there that can't get along with us, trust me it isn't us, it is them. There is nothing wrong with us. We can mix around with anyone; be it someone from the city or someone from the village (kampung).
To the future wives of any of us Gang Bangi guys. I hope you realize how lucky you are to have one of our 'members' as your husband. So, when you do snatch one of us, please let your husband go out at night to the local mapley and let us watch football together ok?
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