Saya sebuah komputer

Nama saya Adamonster versi 2.0. Saya dilahirkan pada bulan April tahun 2009. Adik saya bernama Adamonster versi 1.0. Seminggu sebelum saya dilahirkan, adik saya telah meninggal dunia. Dia mati terkejut akibat disambar kilat. Saya tidak sempat berjumpa dengan adik saya sebelum dia meninggal, tapi daripada cerita ayahanda Adam, adik saya Adamonster versi 1.0 sangat disayangi ayahanda. Muka ayahanda akan penuh duka apabila bercerita tentang adik saya.

"Awak berlainan dengan komputer biasa Adamonster versi 2.0", kata ayahanda. Ayahanda menceritakan dekat saya yang saya sangatlah unik. Walaupun kulit saya berwarna hitam (racist), tulang saya diperbuat daripada aluminium yang berkilat dan ringan. Rongga dalaman saya tidak berselerak seperti komputer-komputer lain. Organ-organ saya diperbuat daripada bahan-bahan material yang bermutu tinggi.

Sejak kebelakangan ini saya merasa diri saya berubah. Kadangkala saya akan mendapat mimpi yang aneh. Memori saya akan bercampur-baur dengan imej-imej yang tidak pernah saya lihat. "Adakah saya sudah menjadi gila!? Tak mungkin! Mesti semua imej yang saya nampak dalam memori saya imaginasi semata-mata!", teriak saya dalam hati untuk menenangkan fikiran.

Saya bukan gila. Tidak!

Seberapa bulan selepas saya dilahirkan, saya berpura-pura tidur di depan ayahanda (sleep mode). Saya mendengar dengan penuh prihatin perbualan ayahanda dengan rakannya yang juga pakar melahirkan komputer seperti saya.

"Memori Adamonster versi 2.0 datang daripada adik dia Adamonster versi 1.0. Aku cuma memindahkan organ-organ si satu ke si dua. Termasuklah otak (harddrive) dia! Jimat sikit wang! Har har har", kata ayahanda.

Tipu... semua ini tipu!!! Rupanya begini! Ayahanda tak pernah sayangkan saya! Dia cuma sayangkan saya sebab saya mengingatkan dia pada kenangan-kenangan manis adik saya. Saya cuma... saya cuma... pilihan kedua. Substitute. Cuma cantik pada luaran, tapi isi hati saya ayahanda saya tidak pernah faham.

Saya tidak akan dipermainkan macam ni. Saya masih muda dan masih bertenaga. Tekad... saya bertekad! Saya bertekad untuk meninggalkan ayahanda!

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Dalam masa beberapa minggu saya akan berpindah ke rumah pakcik saya. Pakcik saya pasti akan menyayangi saya lebih daripada ayahanda. Pasti....

Self Worth

"Don't sell yourself short Adam". That's what a recruiter told me before I went for my interview. Interviews can be dreading, if you are unprepared. Most of the interviewers I met have been really good. They were the kind of interviewers who were masters in their craft. If I were to bullshit about myself or started to talk about things that I really had no clue about I would've gotten caught red-handed. Simply said, you must be prepared for an interview.

Of course, you can't just call a recruiter and expect them to not exaggerate a bit on your prospects. So what I did, after getting advise from Vasan, was to call a bunch of recruiters and ask them on how I would fare in the market. I called three different recruiters before I went for my interview. Per conversations with them I understood where my position was in the job market much better. Averaging the amount of salaries that the three recruiters thought I could achieve helped a bit on boosting my self esteem before meeting the interviewer.

Anyways, long story short, I got the job. But that's not the point of this entree is it? Cause if I were to write about my success in getting a job that would be considered pretty lame, self tooting my gigantic ass horn if you may, and not that interesting for someone of AJ's standards.

Below is the real entree.

Before I applied for a job in London I literally sent my resume and cover letter to a bunch of companies in Malaysia. I applied to companies that I believe I would have a hard time getting, some average companies and, I also applied to companies that I thought I would surely have gotten. I thought, "Hey, I do have a good education background and I have good experience in a good company. This job application thingy will be a piece of cake."

Apparently I was wrong.

It's not that I was super serious about going back to Malaysia and working there. But I wanted to know where I stood in the eyes of these companies. Saje nak test power.

The companies that I thought I would have a hard time getting, well they rejected me two weeks after I sent in my application. Those applications are complete bullshit mind you. I had to fill out pages and pages of personal information as well as answering stupid questions like "Please describe a time where you showed leadership qualities." or "Please write down which high school you went to and place in the scores of your high school education" or "Please enter your TOEFL score". Like what.... the.....f*ck!?? How the hell can I remember my TOEFL score??? TOEFL is a stupid basic English exam designed specifically for non English speaking foreigners aka language ree-tards who know less than 30 English words. OK make that 50 English words (reduce exaggeration). Seriously, any Malaysian taking TOEFL should feel insulted for having to have to take that exam in the first place.

  _|_ <---- yes, this is a middle finger emoticon.

Then, came in the average companies. Nope. They never came in. Sorry. None of the companies replied to my application. Ok, actually there was one company kind enough to entertain me. I'll get back to that company later. The average companies' HR people were so busy hisaping teh tarik and main batu seremban in their offices that they didn't even have an auto generated response to my e-mail application. But that's fine, maybe they were super busy because of the economic distraught that has been hitting the world that they couldn't salvage the time to look at my humble e-mail. Next time I'll write my e-mail title in ALL CAPS to garner their attention. Bah who am I kidding? These people were the worse of the lot. I called the companies' HR people almost twice a week asking them to look at my application yet their response was the same - sorry ye encik nanti kite check application awak and get back to you. Every single HR person never got back to me. Terrible. Ever heard of the movie "The good, the bad, and the ugly"? These people are in the third category.

The below average companies never got back to me as well. But I couldn't muster myself to call them after being fed the same lies time and time again by the average companies.

The average company (actually the company was slightly better than average. but I'm trying to simplify my story here) that did get back to me asked me some questions via e-mail. I responded to that company with a two page essay answer to his open-ended questions. Then the guy said he wanted to know if I would be back home in Malaysia to go for a case-interview.... and I was like.... I can't go back home because I don't have any holidays left. Fail.

I'm not going to act all poyo and self defeating to say that "I would be happy enough just to get a job" because that's not true. I want a good job. I want a job that compensates me for all the hard work I placed in my education venture (actuarial exams) and a company that acknowledges my two and half years of experience. Most of the companies that I applied to back home should have been happy that I applied to their companies. But nope. They were absent or had the inclination to nak test budak ni dulu. If that's the way it is, then I'll shy away from this applying to jobs back home crap. I've already wasted so much time on it.

ps: this entree has 951 words. i'm amazed at myself. O_O

Children

Children are so innocent. That's why we must take advantage of their innocence.

When I have my own children one day, you betcha that I'm going to buy clothes for my kids from Wal-mart or the Malaysian version of it which is "Kamdar". Why waste so much money on a kid by buying them clothes from designers such as baby gap?

Bazir duit. Waste of money. Petuih*.

These kids got to know where they come from, they are going to come from middle class parents such as myself who would rather save up money to upgrade my car spoiler than see it go to utter waste by buying them Adidas shoes. Please la.

Kids don't know designers. They don't go judging their classmates from school by who has the more up-to-date handbag or who is wearing the new fall collection of clothing. All they know at that age is that "my shirt is clean" or "this shirt is baby blue" or "I love this color more mommy!" and that's about it.

Of course, when they grow up they might wonder how they were treated when they were little children. They won't remember their childhood (unless it was really bad like for instance if you abuse your child). So how do we create this facade that they had a good childhood and that we gave the best care for them? Easy. Take a picture once in awhile of your child wearing nice clothes. They don't even have to be the child's clothes, just some clothes that you borrowed somewhere or something.

A child is a child. Just feed the kid. Cloth him in average or lower than average clothing. Make sure you brush his teeth and make him take a shower at least once a day. And make sure the kid is potty trained. Done. You are a magnificient parent.